中學第一次聽見 The Blizzard 時,幾乎是立刻就愛上了這首歌。
除了 Judy Collins 讓人顫慄的嗓音和悠揚清越的鋼琴伴奏之外,歌詞裡美麗如詩的故事更讓年輕的我心弦震動。
很長一段時間裡,偶而想起時就會找出這張名為 [Fires of Eden] 的專輯來聽,The Blizzard 陪著我穿越過基隆山頂迷茫的雲霧,經歷過墨爾本零下五度C的冬天,也一起走過初戀的錐心和苦澀。不知天高地厚的我,在心情糾結時偶而會希望,什麼時候也遇上一場無邊無際的暴風雪,一個作別之後永不相見的陌生人,接下來或者就能有個潔淨如洗的新生。
然而亞熱帶的島嶼哪裡有暴風雪的可能?稠密到近乎雞犬相聞的人口,只有讓人一個勁的將心事向內收藏。生活中縱然沒有風霜雪暴,陽光、小雨跟陰霾交織的日子,我一路走來,沿途張望了無數動人風景,也遺落了滿地的瑣碎心情,包括,The Blizzard。
午後無意中翻找出這張專輯,聽著熟悉的旋律,很多人很多事霎時洶湧在渾沌的腦海,恍然若夢。
上網找 youtube 影片的同時,也查看了 Judy 的 Wiki,從小身為她忠實歌迷的我,卻發現自己對她的了解實在少得可憐,除了被喻為美國國寶的歌聲、同情嬉皮、提倡社會主義之外,其他的一切我幾乎毫無所知。
Judy 四歲開始修習鋼琴,十三歲初出道時原是以演奏古典音樂聞名,但稍後她察覺了自己對於民謠音樂的熱愛,十六歲時轉向民謠界發展,並在二十二歲時發行首張個人專輯,從此展開將近五十年的歌唱生涯。Judy 一共發行過四十多張膾炙人口的專輯,得過葛萊美獎,並用動人的歌聲跨越國界,征服無數歌迷。然而風光的舞台下,Judy 也經歷了離婚、暴食、厭食、酗酒、吸毒和憂鬱症的襲擊。憑著堅強的意志力她成功終身戒酒,並接受厭食症與憂鬱症治療,更持續她成功的歌唱事業。就在一切看似如意順遂時,Judy 的獨子卻在她發行 [Fires of Eden] 兩年之後,因憂鬱症自殺身亡。
現實生活裡的暴風雪並沒有將 Judy 擊垮,她把失去愛子的悲慟化作推動自殺防治運動的動力,擔任聯合國兒童基金會發言人,並積極投入社會公益活動。 1996 年她再婚,並在夫婿的支持下,繼續在音樂的道路上不斷努力前進。
看著文字敘述的同時,我心裡驚歎著:這個女人過的是如何波瀾萬丈的人生啊!跟她相比之下,我老是小鼻子小眼睛的擔心困惑顯得多麼的可笑又多餘呢?
在另一段 2009 年的影片裡,超過七十歲的 Judy 風姿優雅,美麗而年輕。最驚人的是,她的歌聲依舊清澈空靈,自彈自唱的戶外現場中她神態愉悅自若,是經歷過狂風巨浪後的從容,笑容裡閃現的智慧光芒,像是訴說也無風雨也無晴的淡定,讓人嚮往不已。
人生旅程上的很多種種,或者要等到很久很久之後才得以恍然明白釋懷吧!但我不曾因此希望一切能夠重新來過,無論成功失敗,無論痛苦狂喜,無論笑臉相迎,無論冷漠以對,無論是相識熟悉的親人朋友,無論是偶然交會而過的人們,這一次又一次的經歷,全都是建構我今天之所以為我的一部份理由,我真心擁抱這樣殘缺又完整的自己。今天看到 Judy 的故事之後,我更加如此肯定。
至於迷惘,至於心碎時,我會想起 Judy ,隨著她的歌聲穿越漫天風雪,遭遇偶然相逢的善意的陌生人,歷經苦夜後,回首向來蕭瑟處平靜的風景,抖落一身霜雪,轉身迎向風暴停息後的燦爛陽光。
The Blizzard by Judy Collins
Colorado, Colorado
When the world leaves you shivering
And the blizzard blows,
When the snow flies and the night falls
There's a light in the window and a place called home
At the end of the storm.
One night on the mountain I was headed for Estes
When the roads turned to ice and it started to snow,
Put on the chains in a whirl of white powder,
Half way up to Berthoud near a diner I know
And the light burned inside, shining down through the snowfall
God it was cold and the temperature droppin',
Went in for coffee and shivered as I drank it,
Warm in my hands in the steam as it rose.
Sitting there at the counter was a dark headed stranger,
Me and the owner and him keepin warm,
Nodded hello and I said it's a cold one
Looks like there might be a blizzard tonight -
And "yes", said the owner,"
There's a big storm on the mountain,
Good thing we're open, we could be here for hours
There's nothing for miles and it's too late to get to Denver,
Better not try for the summit tonight".
And the snow fell
And the night passed
And I talked to the strangers
While the blizzard blew.
Me and the stranger, you know I don't talk to strangers,
I'm a private sort of person but a blizzard is a blizzard,
And somehow I found myself saying you'd left me,
Tellin' him everything I wanted to say to you.
You know how it is when you can talk to a stranger,
Someone your quite sure you'll never see again -
Soon we were laughin', and talkin', and drinkin'
He said "you must know you're too good for him".
And the snow fell
and the night passed
And I talked to the stranger
while the blizzard blew.
The stranger said "Love it can cry you a river -
Me, I'm a loner cause I can't take the heartache
And sometimes I'm a fighter when I get too much whiskey -
Here have a little whiskey, pretend you don't give a damn -
My cabin's up here on the side of the mountain
You can go up there and sleep through the blizzard".
I put on my parka, said goodbye to the owner
Followed the stranger through the snow up the mountainside.
Woke in the morning to the sun on the snow,
My car was buried in six feet of snow drifts,
They dug me out, just the owner and the stranger,
Sent me on my way when the snowplow had been by
And the roads were all clear and the sun on the mountains
Sparkled like diamonds on the peak to peak highway -
Then I knew that I would get over you, knew you could leave me
But you'd never break me.
Colorado, Colorado
When the world leaves you shivering
And the blizzard blows,
When the snow flies and the night falls
there's a light in the window and a place called home
At the end of the storm.
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